Meedley Meedley Meedley MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

If you are not familiar with the "meedley" reference, then check out Episode 36: Guitar from Strongbad Email...


...then, check out Chit San Maung, the burmese POSTER CHILD for meedley guitar playing. As the title states, he plays "All The Guitar Tricks Possible. (At the end, you can see the words Golden Peacock on the banner behind him.)

--gh

MY 200 DOLLAR QUESTION PLEASE HELP ME!!

Some times, I like to read Google Answers, either looking for something or just browsing around.

I came across a real doosie, of a question and answer. It intrigues me that someone is so desperate for an answer to their question that they are willing to shell out serious money for it. Read what this nimcomtard asks
here. Basically, I think he met someone, but didn't remember it, but then when she called him he tried to get involved in her life and now she doesn't wan't anything to do with him... yada, yada, yada.

The best part is that the guy apparently pays for the first person to answer him with the cheesiest introduction: "I am not a therapist, but I am knowledgeable in matters of the heart and I am pleased to offer you my point of view." He even tipped him another $45!

If only Fairly had seen the question first. He would have earned the $245 with an even more creative answer... almost a Staircase Wit challenge.

--gh

Bug your "Future Self"

If you are bored, why not go to this website (F u t u r e M e . o r g) and send yourself an email in the future...

--gh

Treasure Island

King Kong was good. You can tell it was good because I was siding with Kong. In the 1970s version, I hated Kong and was glad when they finally killed him in the end. ...or, maybe I was just dumb.

I think it is time to make a remake of Treasure Island.

--gh

Krazy

Have you seen the Intel Centrino commercial with Seal sitting on a woman's lap singing "Crazy"?

Is everyone else okay with this? It's just plain weird.

--gh

Christmas

I haven't hung the outside lights yet. I really missed an opportunity right before Thanksgiving because now it is all cold and wet and stuff.

I see nothing wrong with writing Xmas for Christmas. It's not like people are going around saying "Merry Xmas" or anything. (Unless you watch Futurama.)

The kids asked not to hang the vast collection of ornaments this year. I think our tree will just have lights, and maybe candy canes or tinsel. If I would have asked for this 25 years ago, my mother would have flipped out.

So, now I can concentrate on making the outside of the house 1.3x more gaudy this year than last.

--gh

Just remember...

Every time a balloon pops, a clown dies.

--gh

Regular, Medium, and Large

I am pleased that Arby's has finally started to clear up their confusing menu. If you wanted a roast beef sandwich, would you have known the difference between a Regular, a Giant, a Junior, and a Super? Okay, the Junior was the smallest. And the Giant had tomatoes... or was that the Super.

I was at an Arby's in Platte City, Missouri yesterday. They now have three sizes: Regular, Medium, and Large. Okay, they are still losing points on the weird we-don't-have-a-size-that-says-small thing. But, at least you know which one has the most, or middle, or regular amounts of roast beef on them.

Yeah, that's about it. Don't blog for a week or two and then come back swinging about a fast-food menu...

--gh

"jai alai fantasy league"

Some day, someone is going to search for a "jai alai fantasy league," and they will be brought here.

--gh

Obligatory Dream Blog

Sooner or later every blog describes the author's recent dreams, as if anyone really gets them ...or cares.

Okay, this weekend I had one of those vivid dreams that makes total sense when you are dreaming it, but are bizarre in the morning light. Basically, the dream was about completing random scientific experiments that people somehow skipped. Some government agency came up with thousands of things that were never studied, but probably should have been. Maybe science was moving too fast when it should have been done, and no one went back and did some of the basics.

These things were so basic that they had 5th graders working on some of it. They found university professors to team up with children on a number of experiments. The two that I was responsible with were simple enough. Apparently, no one has ever studied the mating habits of goldfish. Someone did a search and realized that no one has observed this and wrote about it. Sure, you are 99.999% sure that goldfish do the same things that guppies do, but you can't be sure unless you find out for yourself.

So, the government sent me an aquarium and some goldfish. Of course, I had my doubts because I have had goldfish before, and never had baby goldfish. Maybe they should have given this task to some biologist or something. I was also nervous about selecting a fifth grader, hoping they were up to the task. My kids are too old to choose one of them, unfortunately.

The other study that I was responsibile for was a little more up my alley. For some unkown reason, every time someone has studied lightning, they did it at night. (Think about Nichola Tesla in Colorado Springs...) Well, no one ever studied if lighting adds light to the daytime sky. So, I had to find a good storm during the day and use photo-sensitive equipment and make several measurements.

I was a lot more excited about lightning than the goldfish. I was afraid I would fail.

--gh

Old guys

Okay, the Rolling Stones just issued a new CD called A Bigger Bang. I don't care how many records Bridges to Babylon sold (it went Platinum!), this one better be a good one.

Have you noticed the commercials for the other antediluvians lately? If you stay up past midnight, you will see advertisements for new CDs by Neil Young, Paul McCartney, and Eric Clapton. It is as if the record company has to invest in television advertisement to say "hey, remember that you like these guys..."

Neil Young's commercial shows him singing something that could be on pretty much any of his albums, except Rust Never Sleeps. Eric Clapton is looking long in the tooth singing "you wanna revo-loo-SHUN!"

McCartney might be the biggest disappointment. Rule number one, never hire a producer that is 1/2 your age. Can you imagine Nigel Godrich telling McCartney how much he liked that "Say, say, say" duet with Michael Jackson?! Apparently it was this producer that said something like "play all your instruments yourself, like on that suckish album in the early seventies." What's worse, he allowed McCartney to make up for his fading voice by doubling the vocals. I hate that.

McCartney is my favorite Beatle, though. I got a lot of flack for that because Lennon was supposed to be the cool one, or something. I like John Lennon enough, but he was a poser of sorts. The boys did not make much use of their humble origins when they worked together. That just was not done in the 1960s. However, Lennon tried to push his "Working Class Hero" image in the 1970s with only one problem -- he was the only Beatle that was not working class! I have come to the conclusion that John Lennon did not really experience life, he just looked at it from the outside and wrote songs about it. (Darn good songs, most of them.) Someone would not get away with that today. Either you are "Jenny from the block," or you aren't.

Of course, McCartney's problem was that he wrote escapist lyrics, trying to get you to forget about your world and envision something entirely different, and possibly irrelevant. Imagine Lennon's horror when McCartney wanted to sing about meter maids, being 64 (is he yet?), picking rice up after a wedding, and silver hammers.

Maybe that is why I have now settled on Ringo being my favorite Beatle. He has had more solo top ten hits than Lennon or McCartney (I am not kidding). Also, if you go back and listen to those Beatles recordings, you can hear how much his drums contribute. They are not a backdrop any more than McCartney's bass. (McCartney being the real musical genius of that bunch, some of those bass lines are incredible for the mid-to-late sixties.)

--gh

Wikis

Ah, we have reached the time of the evening that has Sanford and Son followed by Good Times on TV Land.

Oh, and there is a new Strong Bad email. It is a marked improvement of the last 2-3 episodes. It references the fact that Strong Bad makes fun of his "get up" noise when he moves his chair - from episode 95.

Of course, the Homestar Runner Wiki helped me make that connection. Wow, that is an amazing source of information about absolutely nothing. Obviously, this caused me to waste about 10-15 minutes...

I am impressed by the wiki "movement." Sometimes you see crazy stuff on wikipedia (the best example of an open-source database), but for the most part, it is the work of people honestly trying to share information.

I haven't shared anything on a wiki.

--gh

Hot Chicago

Today I ate a stromboli in the Old Chicago restaurant in Columbia, MO. I can't believe they did not offer pepperoni strombolis, or spinach, which are my favorites. I had italian sausage instead. It was cooked very hot, and was spicier than I thought for a chain restaurant.

About half-way through the meal the waitress came out and asked if it was okay. She stammered, and then offered that the cook had asked about it, but offered no details. I told her that it seemed fine. It then occurred to me that I was eating a sandwich that was probably three times spicier as I should expect from a place like that. I bet the cook was adding a some hot flakes or something to it and the lid came off. Rather than start all over, he attempted to scrape it off, but later realized he probably didn't get it all.

I thought about telling her that I figured out what the cook was worried about. I even thought about playing with them and saying that maybe it was a bit salty or something. However, I didn't feel like talking and lying.

--gh

Banking and Best Products

It amazes me how much banking has changed in the last 20 years. I think that is how long I have been consistently using banks. Maybe it's 22 years. It was a necessity for cashing the paychecks of the first couple of jobs that I held, starting in the 11th grade.

I have never stepped inside the bank that I have used this last year. I opened the account using the web and mailed the first checks in. I went through the drive-in window once. All of my banking is done at the ATM (three blocks from my house), or online. In fact, I only mail three bill payments now: water, trash, and my wife's tuition (which will be done this semester). Everything else is electronic.

That reminds me, I mentioned earlier that I should blog about several of the jobs that I had (at least the early ones). So, I will state that my first official job was for Best Products, a general merchandise store that sold jewelry, guns, stereos, and maybe even clothes. I worked in the sporting goods section, with all of the hunting rifles. This was in the fall of 1984, eleventh grade.

I was sixteen, and was able to work without special age documentation that previous summer, but for some reason I did not feel compelled to get a job in my sixteenth summer. Maybe I was lazy, or didn't want to start growing up.

I liked that job. I generally worked after school starting around 3-4pm, and most weekends. By November, I was pushing 30 hours per week, which started to interfere with other activities -- like friends, or school.

I stole a flashlight from that store, and a Sony walkman tape player. I don't think I will ever forget those infractions. The walkman was a return unit, because the case was busted. It was probably going to be sent back to the distributor, or Sony, but it was in this bin in the back for weeks. I figured out how to fix it, and then slipped it in my pocket before leaving one day. I gave it to my brother for a Christmas present. Yeah, I are sucked. The flashlight was even worse -- because it came straight off the floor. I knew it was wrong, and I was so afraid that I would be caught before I got to the parking lot. I'll remember that for the rest of my life. If you are thinking about stealing something, even if it is small, don't. It will haunt you forever. That store chain doesn't even exist anymore!

I met my first real girlfriend at that job. She was in the 10th grade and had the most awesome name: Shawnalyn Disney. I saw her at school a few times, and visited her house about five times. I don't even think I took her to eat out, or even to a movie. I think I kissed her only once. She met a guy (college dude!) at the store and broke up with me New Years Eve, on the phone. I cried for hours that night. Man, I was a loser.

Best Products let me go around that same time because the Christmas rush was over. That was probably their plan the whole time.

The salary was $3.45/hour, which was a dime above minimum wage!

I only had one incident where I got in trouble. Every night we cleaned the glass counters, and one of the sales associates was talking with a customer. The store had technically closed, so I was annoyed that the customer was hanging around. I cleaned the counter very close to where they were standing, and I shielded the spray of cleaner with my arm, making it obvious that I was cleaning, and "protecting" them from getting sprayed. I must have made too much of a show of it because the guy found a manager and said that I was "insolent." The manager talked to me the next day and said that it was the only complaint I had received and it surprised him. So, I got off on that okay and watched my attitude and demeanor in every job since then.

Insolent. No doubt about it, that was probably a nice way to describe my attitude.

--gh

Weird domain names

Have you typed blogspot wrong yet? (blogpsot).

So what is the technical term for getting domains with mispelted words trying to attract sloppy (or drunk) typists?

UPDATE: the term I was looking for was typosquatting. It is sort of a form of cybersquatting, except that it doesn't use up the useable domain name. It is not as nefarious as pharming, which is really fooling the user with a fake web page intended to look like the real one.
--gh

PigeonKam!

I really want to buy flash. When I look at something like the Pidgeon Kam, ...it inspires me.



It is brought to us by the fine makers of those bunnies movies in 30 seconds. (Of which, Pulp Fiction is the best.)



--gh

How to lie with architecture...

Okay, the big flap about the Flight 93 memorial is about to hit talk radio, fox news, msnbc, and consblogs across the US. If you haven't seen it yet, this is what the architect has proposed, and jury panel has accepted.


Of course the Park Service has to sign off on it. When I first saw the picture above, I did not see the loving embrace of an Islamic crescent. Instead, I thought I was supposed to see something more subtle, and I saw a shadow. The first thing that I thought of was the cover of Mark Monmonier's book, How to Lie with Maps. On that cover, we see the shadow of a Pinocchio moving across the landscape.


I saw the shadow of Pinnochio in the bottom of the architectural image. In fact, he has taken off his hat in approval of the design. Then, I realized that not everyone is a geographer and would immediately recognize the cover of that book.

You don't hear much from me regarding political issues on this blog. 90% of the blogs out there are authored by people who are trying to make you think just like them, or are trying to make you like the things they like. I prefer to provide amusement (in the real sense of the word, a+muse means to not think). But I am pretty confident in suggesting that the design is not appropriate. It is also not a coincidence, unless the architect is feckless and incompetent. Architecture is about symbolism (luckily we have engineers that figure out how to actually build structures safely). This guy knew what he was doing.

It is also inappropriate from a Muslim's perspective as well. Basically, it looks like it says "uh, we did this to you" on the Pennsylvania landscape. I propose re-shaping the downtown of Fallujah and making the central part of the street networks look like a big cross from aerial photography. Now do you get it? It's what marketing folk call branding.

--gh

Multicultural Revolution

Okay, I was joking with my colleagues about implementing a Che Guevara-like image. The I remembered that Fairly had no problem doing so and gave it a try. I already had access to the martial shot:



I cannot really discuss the full meaning of this, though. At least not now.
--gh

L337 HURR1C4N3 N4M3Z

I have always been intrigued with the names given to tropical cyclonic storms in the Atlantic Ocean. My earliest memory of such names is Hurricane Agnes, in 1972. I was four years old, and the tiny creek near our back yard grew to a mighty river.

Check out this NOAA site for interesting facts about how such storms are named. I did not know half the stuff I read there, and on related links.

For instance, did you know...

• There is a six-year plan for the names -- the most of the 2004 names will reappear in 2010
  
• if a storm is significant, its name is retired (you won't see Andrew repeated, and not Katrina either)
  
• if you missed the storms between Katrina and Ophelia, they were named Lee, Maria, and Nate. (Yeah, I hope to hear more from Nate in 2011, or at least 2017, stay tuned to this blog in 6-12 years for more on that)
  
• The name "Hortense" was capriciously retired 2002 (that are sucked!)
  
• Male names weren't used until 1979 (I remember that, people had the attitude that it was offensive to women since the names we remember are ones that cause damage, like Camille.)
  
• Hurricanes names will not begin with Q, U, X, Y, and Z because of the "scarcity of names beginning with those letters."

Okay, what is up with the last one? I think that is particularly insensitive culturally. With Rap artists, I think there is plenty of room for Hurricanes named Usher, Queen Latifah, Xzibit, Yukmouth and Zevlove. Shoot, these rapper names can even broaden the Hurricane naming system with numbers (2Pac, 50cent, André 3000). Did you know that Suzuki Ichiro's name (the Ichiro part) comes from the fact that he is the first born?

--gh (Saburo)

"Fine" art and easy listening music

We turned the satellite television on after a three-month hiatus. I turned on the Barry Chappell Fine Art Showcase.



This guy is hilarious. He was in the middle of an "auction" (whatever that means), and someone brought him a sandwich. While we watched the art on our screens, Barry shouted "turn off my mic for a few seconds, I gotta eat! I'm starving." After 15-20 seconds of silence (ordinarily a no-no on a shopping channel), he came back in and advanced the offset lithographs (read: posters) by $100.

Besides shopping channels, nothing makes working at home nicer than 36 channels of digital music. Of course, easy listening probably gets the largest play time in this house. My largest complaint is that they don't play the classic easy listening and lounge music enough (Ray Conniff, Percy Faith, Les Baxter).

Also, they must have licensed the entire Reader's Digest collection, so you have to get used to that highly polished London Promenade Orchestra. But, it's all good. Just..., maybe not as good as Pérez Prado's version of Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White.

--gh

Gonna make you feel real dirty...

NO! Not that kind of dirty, you sicko. I came across the ReelWorld Jingles web site today. I spent some time listening to the totally canned and over-produced examples used for radio stations with such names as KISS FM and MAJIC OLDIES. (Go back and read the previous sentence and sing the capitalized words. Feel free to add some random FM-band numbers like One-Oh-Six-POINT-Sevennnnnnn!)

When you get used to the highly flash-enabled interface, you can find the different formats. It doesn't matter if the jingles were written for country, adult contemporary (ac), or even hot adult contemporary (hot ac). The audio clips all have that shimmery glean that makes you hate modern radio stations. They even have that highly compressed FM quality that is so prevalent in radio. (You have to click on one of the first stations, and find the "Play Audio Cuts" button. After that you can find the FORMATS selection.)

I had to look up the following formats:
AC - Adult Contemporary
HOT AC - Hot Adult Contemporary (check out this Format Guide for the difference)
CHR - Contemporary Hit Radio
CHR/Rhythmic - what they used to call urban


Listen to the Beligian and German examples in the European section. My goodness, it's spreading.

--gh

Julian Beever's pavement drawings

Wow, before the Worth 1000 contests, people had to photoshop stuff 0LD Sk3WL: so check out: Julian Beever's pavement drawings

Check out his webpage for more incredible examples than these two. I just thought that the wrong view below would force you to believe that he is actually drawing these.



Here it is from the "wrong" perspective:



--gh

My MP3 collection

Okay, I need to dispense with the title of this blog first. My MP3 collection is actually a WMA collection. This means that I will not be using an iPod, which doesn't bother me since I cannot afford one. Why did I choose WMA over MP3? It is my opinion that a 64k-bitrate WMA sounds nearly as fine as a 128k-bitrate MP3. This should surprise you if you knew my audio-phile tendencies and what I have written below. (On the other hand, the 64k MP3 sounded worse than FM radio, though.) So, in order to fit my entire collection in 1/2 the space, I have gone with a proprietary format. I am also betting that Microsoft is not going away.

It was a hard decision, because I could tell the difference, but I have almost 4,000 music files. Some day I may be re-ripping my CD collection. But those CDs aren't going anywhere. I guess it was a compromise that I am still surprised I was willing to deal with.

Lately I have considered ripping from my LPs. If I do, I will probably store the music in 128k on a backup, and then convert to WMA. If I get into my LP collection, I would double my easy listening capacity. (Yes, this is tempting to me, I am a lounge and easy listening aficionado.) I also don't feel like buying any Rolling Stones CDs because they sound great even on AM, or even 8-track tape! (Dude, they do not fill the audio space like Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd).

I have a nice phono preamp, and last weekend I brought my laptop down and put "Physical Graffiti" on my turntable. Plugging this into my laptop, I was amazed at the difference. I listened to my WMA file for "Trampled Under Foot," then I pushed the CD on for the full digital effect. Nothing compares to vinyl! Keep in mind that my turntable was plugged into a $50 preamp, and then into the line-in on my laptop, and finally my headphones. Immediately after setting that needle down, I was transported 20 years back, in my teenage years, with my ample record collection.

When I was in high school, I dreamed of high fidelity components. Who would have known that we would be ditching all that great sound for the convenience of CDs and MP3s. MP3s sound twice as good as FM, and CDs sound twice as good as MP3s. But vinyl sounds twice as good as CDs. (The way I imagine these comparisons is not exactly linear, I would offer that comparative increase in quality follows that of an audio-tapered potentiometer, and not a linear taper. If you don't understand this, then you probably don't understand a lot of my feelings here.)

At this stage, LP vinyl recordings are still superior. If you have difficulty with this, then I can surmise that you have suffered hearing loss, or are using cheap cables and cheap components (including the headphones or speakers). Unless you grew up with ubiquitous vinyl LPs, you may have never fully experienced this.

I remember the first time I heard digital-based audio. It was at a Sears-Roebuck store in Fair Oaks Mall. I was intrigued by these devices and got the nerve to ask for a demonstration. The CD was by Alan Parsons, and the sales attendant was embarrassed to demonstrate the audio capabilities. It sounded brash, tinny, and somewhat horrible. This was in the early 1980s, and I was thinking there was no way digital would ever catch on. Cassette tapes (an analog technology) sounded better. And it was no match for the LP.

However, D/A converters got better with increased technology. More importantly, the analog-to-digital process (studio side) got better as well. Most of the good recordings from the 1980s are being redistributed with "Remastered" status, and it is worth it to invest in those (unless you are at a pawn shop).

We are all compressing our music even further to fit on our MP3 players. Right now, quality suffers for the need for quantity. The best sound system that my music plays through is one of those $150 computer speaker sets that you hook up to the computer. (That is at work, lol!) Mostly, however, I am listening through $40 headphones, or an MP3 player. With a nice stereo system, you could tell that I degraded my music to a degree - however you would be hard pressed to find the difference in my general usage.

In short, hi-fi is near dead. I think this will change in the next 5-7 years, though. We are not limited to the data size of CDs anymore, and bandwidth is getting cheaper, faster, and more accessible each year. Imagine a digital system that slices an analog system ten (or 100) times finer than present CDs do. Even the stuffiest audiophile would have difficulty turning that down. In ten years, we will see a new discovery of what music is SUPPOSED to sound like and people will start buying their favorite recordings all over again.

I know I will.

--gh

Twenty Questions

This is one of those blogs where I share something and then talk about it. My daughter was talking about a Twenty Questions game that was really intuitive and thorogh in its questioning. She was playing a handheld version of the technology from 20Q.net. (I do not recommend the flashy 20Q.com version.)

The game does a great job of guessing objects like nose, guitar string, chalk, shoe lace, and oak tree. I guess the hand-held version encapsulates a static copy of the network knowledge. The web version does learn, and it has moderators to keep people from loading the knowledge base with junk. I tried teaching it "guitar effects pedal." Maybe after a day or so I should try that one again.

When I have played this game in the past, we usually played the version where you have to guess people. One of the funniest times that I had with this was around 1979. I was with 5-6 people and my brother said "Alright, I am thinking of someone." Before using up any questions, I blurted out "Shaun Cassidy!" I stunned my brother, because this was indeed who he had thought of. (Shaun is the lesser-known half-brother of David Cassidy, if that helps any.)

--gh

National Security on Parade!

Okay, so George Washington University is archiving documents released by the Freedom of Information Act and calling it the National Security Archive.

Of course, my mouse quickly found the item labeled: The Nixon-Presley Meeting! You *have* to check this out for yourself.

The surrealness of this visit is other worldly. Elvis Presley didn't want to meet the President and shake his hand. He wanted to become a federal agent at large, which in his mind was some kind of drug-culture-fighting superhero. The letter that he wrote states that the Black Panthers and hippies do not consider him an enemy. (Mr. Bush, I don't think the Panthers or hippies have a problem with me, either!)

My favorite part is the memo from a staff member to Bob Haldeman, the White House Chief of Staff. At the end of this memo, the staff member writes: "In addition, if the President wants to meet with some bright young people outside of the Government, Presley might be a perfect one to start with." In Bob Haldeman's own writing, above his initials, he pens "You must be kidding" which is absolutely precious.

Presley also brought some guns, as a gift to Nixon. I have read elsewhere that he was not really checked over at the gate, so he really freaked people out when he got within a few rooms of the President with two Colt 45s. Apparently, Nixon appreciated this gift.

In the photos, Presley dons his sun glasses for a dozen images! The exchange between the President and the superstar is even weirder, though. Presley indicts The Beatles as an anti-American force (uh, they are English). He also tells the President that he is just a poor boy from Tennessee (he lived in Mississippi until he was 13).

However, it struck me that in 1970, the 35-year old star was obviously past his prime. Despite his 18 number one hits, he was not the influence that he thought he was, even in his own culture. Honestly, it would be no different if Michael Jackson approached President Clinton in 1997 and said that he wanted to help protect the children of the U.S.

Maybe that was a little too ironic of an analogy.

--gh

P.S. Apparently, Nixon's folks gave him a badge with his name on it!

Flags that suck

I have always had an appreciation for flags. As a kid, we had a map of the world with the flags of each country printed around the edges. Instead of looking at the countries like my brother did (he memorized all of the capitals before he was 12), I spent too much time staring at those flags.

However, I was even more intrigued by the state flags of this great country. It is kind of embarrassing to admit now, but us three kids were involved in a parade marching outfit called the Patriots of Northern Virginia. This was a fife and drum corps, except I never played the fife or the drums. For two or three years I was stuck as a flag carrier, or banner holder. My brother played drums, and my sister played fife, and I carried a flag.

Eventually, I was one of the older kids carrying a flag and I looked like a dork. I have about twenty stories just like that, all ending up with me looking dorkish. My brother was only a year older, so by the second year I should have been allowed to hold a snare drum. Either he protested, or my mother thought I was retarded. I have about forty stories just like that. (I have to blog real soon about my feeble beginnings. I am pretty sure that my parents think I ended up as a professor on accident.)

Even though this fife and drum corps was supposed to look like revolutionary-era patriots, we still carried flags for many of the states. I cannot say whether we carried them all, but I distinctly remember the flag of California, so we were positively outside of the original colonies. And so, having so much time with these flags, I grew attached to their patterns.

Early on I realized that most flags were horrible. Hence the title of this post, and the focus of the next few blogs (and then I might talk about how I was born slightly touched). But first, I present the flag of the great state of Kansas:



Okay, that is not really the flag of Kansas. It violates numbers 1, 4 and 6 of my rules of flaggery, which are:
G-Had's Flag Rules

1. All flags should be simple in design so that a ten-year-old of average talents should be capable of reproducing it.
   
2. A flag should not be too simple, where a pre-schooler could replicate the design.
   
3. A flag should have more than one or two colors.
   
4. Flags should consist more of geometric patterns, rather than artistic creations. The exception to this rule is simple iconic imagery (such as that found on flags of many Muslim countries.
   
5. State and country flags should be rectangular in shape. Square flags are for the battlefield. If a flag is not rectangular, it better have a good kick-hiney reason for doing so.
   
6. Flags should refrain from using too many words. An ideal flag should have nothing written on it at all.
   
7. Flags should have some symbolism and meaning (like the 13 stripes or number of stars on the U.S. flag).
   
8. Flags that consist of uni-color backgrounds with a state seal fixed on the center suck.

So, let's dispense of the worst violators, which is the unicolored flags with the oft-cartoonish state seal affixed:


In case you are counting, that is 27 flags that outright suck. They violate my last rule and can be dismissed immediately. (I am not fooled by the fringe on Minnesota's flag, nor the white silk that is supposed to run across the outer edge of Virginia's flag either.) Oh, you can hover your cursor over them to find the state names, or even click on them to see what dopey pattern is found in the state seal. However, my recommendation is to inform the state legistatures of these fine states to START OVER. That's right, over 1/2 the states need to begin again.

There are a few more states with seals affixed, which I will probably focus on next. Also, a new discussion (debate?) on Staircase Wit is starting on each individual flag (until we get bored). Stop by there and comment as well.

Eventually, you will see that I find value in only 12-15 flags, and I have lived under none of them.

--gh

Unfinished Business

Hah, you probably didn't think I could wait this long to write about finishing stuff. For the most part, I am a finisher. I would rather not start than never finish. I am in perpetual home renovation, but there is an issue of economy there.

In high school, I would probably give up if I waited too long to work on an assignment. I hated the thought of only being partially done with something, and somehow saw more honor in not finishing. By college, and beyond, I learned that there is more honor in finishing and you should not even discuss being incomplete.

Some people confuse these characteristics with perfectionism. Indeed, there are few areas in my life that I seek perfection. Maybe it is a philosophical "condition of man" type of issue, but I find perfectionism to be unreasonable and vain. For me, it is as strange as agoraphobia. I would rather get something done in a shorter amount of time than spend too much time getting it perfect. I am not talking about "git'r done," I take pride in what I do. But I don't derive too much self worth from it.

Take my office for example. Everything is in its place and I do not have stacks of papers and books lying around. When I leave for the day, 99% of the time my desk is entirely clear. I have a phone, pencil holder, web camera, PDA cradle, and the laptop's docking station on my desk. I still feel like there is one item too many (but my daughter made that ceramic pencil holder). I pretty much know where everything is in my file cabinet, which are mostly in order. (Okay, a major project this fall is to start reorganizing my personal files). Everything is dusted.

Some people may mistakenly confuse this with perfectionism -- however most perfectionists that I know cannot keep a clean working space or office. I had a colleague once that kept newspaper articles by gluing them on a sheet of paper with a typed statement on the margin that could be read on its side in a filing cabinet. This is quite impressive. However, it takes quite a lot of time to do this, and so a pile of these newspaper clippings would stack up on the desk (or worse, whole newspapers if it contained multiple items of interest). She would rather work in a mess than do something imperfect like tearing the article out and hand-writing the date, etc., on the paper and filing it away.

I once caught another colleague (one I still work with) painstakingly stapling 200 exams by hand because he did not like the way the automatic staples were placed by the copy machine. Yes, that's right, the copy machine would have organized and stapled these automatically while he was off doing something else. (The issue was that the staples were parallel to the top of the page, rather than neatly at an angle in the left top corner.) Fortunately, our current copier staples pages "correctly" and has easily saved him 40-50 hours a year.

Okay, so far it sounds like I am bragging at my ability to complete tasks because I am not burdened by distractions of perfection. However, I have a major flaw. I have always been a linear sequential thinker, and can usually focus on one task at a time. This is great when a report needs to be written (or a dissertation). Of course this is not so good if two reports need to be written, or if I started on a music/art/writing project in front of a more "real" task. Linear thinkers are probably the majority, but I sometimes feel that I have a more severe case. (I think it is more prevalent in left hemisphere people.)

This is good if you are one of my students requesting a written letter of recommendation for a job or graduate school. Most likely I will get it done the same day because I can't put it in a cue and come to it naturally. I have to get it done in a near immediate fashion. I can also work to music, even rather loud music, because I only absorb the sounds subconsciously. If you are trying to work on something, or write a report or paper, and the song on the radio keeps grabbing your attention, then you are not as afflicted in this area.

One of my summer tasks was to write the annual report for our department. I am of the opinion that only one other person will actually read this document, (but this one other person happens to be important). This summer, we couldn't start on it right away because some of the data was not available. Having that over me almost ruined my summer. In fact, I got the draft in rather late, which I can't stand. I also found out that my format from last year was mostly incorrect -- so it was a near complete revision of the format as well as writing about the new data. With that out of the way, I will probably have a productive week or two.

Please don't get the impression that I do shoddy work, however. I am often complimented on my timeliness, thoroughness, and creativity. However, when the chips are down and the time is getting late, perhaps I have been known on occasion to just git'r done.

I do have some perfectionism in me, though. A lot of this comes out in my writing. I deliberately write contractions into this blog to make me appear looser and not so uptight. On the other hand, I rarely use abbreviations if I think someone may get confused. I also revise my writing and read each blog entry twice (at least). If I come across an error in a blog entry from a previous year, I will still correct it.

This is even more obnoxious if you see my writing in MSN Messenger. There are no emoticons, no abbreviations, and a deliberate (shall I dare say 'pedantic') style of writing. I have painstakingly taught myself to use "LOL" even though I desperately want to write: "...that comment amused me..." or something cheeky like that.

--gh

Discounts and Rebates and Coupons (oh my!)

I am ready to admit that I am not that good with discounts, rebates, and coupons. It frustrates me, though, because I can be duped into seeing the lower price only. However, I try to train myself to look for the actual costs. I was looking to buy another leaf blower. BTW, my dad is right on this, why would you buy a gas-powered blower for $120-200 when a decent electric one costs less than $40 and you can just buy one every other year at that cost and almost stay ahead. But, I was interested in a $90 gas-powered model, I didn't know they had come down that much. The price actually said $87.95 "with F/S discount" (or something). I don't want this discount, it probably means we have to get a credit card, or carry a club card. I searched and searched to find out that the actual price was $91. I would rather spend the $3 and not deal with some stupid membership card (or worse, their store credit). As it turned out, I bought a $39 electric model by the weedeater company.

Grocery stores like to have "membership" as well. We used to have a grocery store in town called Easters, and it almost got to the point where I didn't want to go because 1/3 of the items had a "membership" price as well as the regular price. So, you see 3 two-liter bottles of pop for $1.50 and get excited, only to realize that this is only for the suckers who carry a piece of laminated paper in their wallets that say they are special. Still, when I am at the register, the attendant would usually ask "do you have your Easters card?" I would reply "no" almost acting as if I had no clue what they were talking about. (I was mean to one guy, because I asked him "no, do I need one to shop here?" and almost pretended to leave. People pay to shop at Costco and Sam's Club. I do not get that.) The weird thing is that 90% of the time they reached under the register and grabbed a store copy of the discount card and let me have it anyway. I often wondered if this is because the workers were hassled about how many customers went through the line and were not enticed into carrying such a card. Ultimately, this is what drove me to shop at HyVee exclusively, a full year before Easters closed.

I am not concerned that someone is compiling a list of what I am buying, but I have heard that some people are suspicious of that. I guess you wouldn't want your future insurance company to know that you buy three bottles of Tylenol a week or something. I am not a paranoid person, though. (An aside, I bought some STP fuel system cleaner at Wal-Mart and the note on the cash register said "Is Customer Over 18?" I guess that is either a meth-lab problem, or kids are cracking the alcohol out of the cleaner.)

So, for the most part I am not interested in discounts. I am even more idiotic about coupons. Even if you tried to put one in my hand, I would probably not use a coupon. When someone tries to offer me one, my usual reply is "no, I hate saving money." I am not being totally flippant here, I despise the concept of "saving" money on retail purchases. I also buy name brand items at the grocery store. I know this has something to do with my childhood. Are store-brand canned peaches any worse than DelMonte? I have no idea because I don't buy store-brand.

Okay, now for rebates. I will admit that I don't mind rebates, I just hate the process. If you buy something from Best Buy, Dell, or on the Internet, you have to read those rebate instructions *very closely* because they will send you a post card saying "no rebate for you." Oh, and when they do that, you don't get the original receipt and proof of purchase back to try again. It seems to be a one-shot deal. Of course, the other part of rebates is actually filling out the paperwork and sending it in! I imagine that they hope a majority forget to do this, so it makes me more diligent at it. I was almost scammed by Microsoft this week with their rebate offer for Microsoft Money 2006. You buy it online and have to print out the rebate form, which is fine. Then they want you to go to Microsoft Billing MSN web page and print that confirmation, okay. Also, they want you to print your email confirmation and send that in as well... I had the form filled out, printed out the confirmation and the order page and then I noticed this "email confirmation" statement. I already knew better than to think I could go with out it. If it is listed as a term, then they will deny your rebate request. Okay, so when should I expect this email confirmation? Everything else that I buy online is able to send one within an hour (and most do this within minutes). I became frustrated with the prospect that Microsoft was deliberately delaying the email confirmation in the hope that I would lose interest in my $30 rebate. (Microsoft wouldn't do that on purpose, would they?) For $67 of software, however, I was not about to give up on such a high rebate. Well, the email came the next day. I am positive that the company had wished I lost the paperwork, etc.

My tactic for this is to put the unfinished paperwork in my laptop case. I *hate* unfinished items like that and it would bug me until I took care of it. Well, I did, and it is in the mail.

I need to blog about this unfinished items business. Knowing me, I probably can't wait too long because it will gnaw on me.

--gh

Bob Saget Fan Site!

Okay, a friend pointed me toward the tourrettesGuy web site. I learned a new curse word ("Bob Saget!!!") and have been trying it out. Yes, this is deliberate, but at least I am being honest about it.

So, I started to wonder if Bob Saget had a fan club or something. I came across the Bob Saget Fan Site, (well, this guy used an exclamation point). The poor guy wrote that you should email him if you are are a Bob Saget fan. The date on the page says 2002, and so far I see no list.

COME ON! (Yeah, that was an exclamation point.) Now that John Ritter is no longer with us, (or even Norman Fell), so let's rally behind Mr. Saget, visit this fan page, and get some names listed!

Er, you first.

--gh

I love it when you call me...

...Big Poppa! Like about a million other supervisors or bosses out there, I like to pretent that this is my theme song. On occaision, I have thrown my hands in the air, like I's a true player. So, I stayed up late last night arranging the 8-bar wonder for flute and guitar, some of which you can see here:



If you want to see a full pdf file, click here. Also, I concocted an mp3 file here. Note that this is not Amy and I playing, we rock more than that. This is just a step above a midi file, actually. Also, this digital content may not last forever, it is based on my limited webspace, etc.

--gh

Maryville West Side Story

My daughter just got back from church camp. Apparently, the most exciting thing was that their camp counselor taught them some Gang Signs during a devotional. Oh yeah, their gang^H^H^H^H, er... camp counselor happened to be Syriously... to complain call 867-5309. Oh yeah, I got her number.

I hope you clicked on the Gang Signs link because I am going to discuss that now. First, let's jsut get this out in the open: the hands are all white. I think this web page should be re-titled "How to get shot." Scroll down and find "Bounty Hunters." What's up with that?

I am a big fan of the one-handed gang signs. The two-handed variety should be decomissioned. As I mentioned before, my adopted Gang is the Hoover Crips.



--gh

My new hero

Okay, I really need to share this with you. Today I came across a website featuring a one-man band named McRorie (One Man Live). You have to check out his video featured on that web page. Get past the horrible vocals (even Weird Al has him beat), and the kilt. I am not sure if you can get past the mullet, but deal with it.

The dude straps drum pads to his chest, has sensors in his shoes, and two synthesizers for each hand. He claims that he is not using any sequencers. If you don't know what that means, then it might not impress you, but basically it means he creates the music in real time.

For a horrible show of his vocals, click on "Original Songs."
You have to be impressed that these originals are not dubbed or recorded in different takes for each layer. They are all performances.

If this guy was at my state fair, I'd go.

--gh

Cute things

Before I shared some of the freeware that I use. I forgot to mention a freeware product that I use nearly every day.

I have need to create documents as a PDF file, but I have not secured the pedigree software. For many years we had the access to free PDF writing software, but this usually involved the creation of a watermark or other indicator on the finished product. Nothing like sending someone a resume or grant application with a watermark that says "Hi, I'm a cheapskate!"

Thanks to CutePDF, you can write your PDF without anyone knowing you used freeware. CutePDF is not related to the CuteFTP program. (I don't need an FTP client, I use the command line software in DOS. Ahhh, DOS.)

...

I struggled with the sentence above, where the two words PDF and file were used together. My first draft (yeah, I edit and polish the writing in my blog) had the words "PDF format." I had to look up the abbreviation for PDF to make sure I wasn't being reduntant. My suspicions were correct, the "f" in PDF stands for "format."

So, saying Portable Document Format format would make me sound like a gumbert.

Yes, this happens to be a pet peeve of mine. Other abuses of this that aggravate me are:

• ATM machine
  
• PIN number
  
• VIN number
  
• 8:00 AM in the morning
  
• ACT test

With all these hangups, I can be hard to get along with.

Another issue that I have is the proper usage of computer abbreviations. In particular, I am concerned with the capitalization of abbreviations like PDF and GIF. These are written in uppercase, are they not? Maybe I just have high expectations for written English in blogs, email, and instant messages...

On the other hand, I feel that the file extensions should not be capitalized, even if they happen to be abbreviations. The convention that I adopted is to refer to executable files as *.exe, or images as *.jpg and *.gif files. However, if I refer to the format of the latter two, I will write them as JPG and GIF (since JPG and GIF actually stand for something). I surround myself with rules thus.

--gh

Good Freeware

Okay, I talked about GNU in a previous post. It got me thinking about the shareware that I use. I usually don't provide a real service on this blog, so I thought I would make up for that and go through the top ten freeware programs that I use.

I don't mind paying for my software. I purchase antivirus software, as well as the Office 2003 suite from Microsoft. I have purchased shareware as well (such as the Supermemo learning software for my Palm V and for Win...)

But, I am talking about real freeware (and not that nagware that pretends to be free, or adware, which is just annoying). I will try to provide the links as well.

So, here is a featured list of freeware that I use:

1. HandySnap: Everyone needs a decent screen capture utility. This is the one I use. I want to be able to capture full screen, just a window, or anywhere that I select. Then I want to save it to the clipboard, or to a JPG. HandySnap does this gracefully, and even adds the ability to add text and simple sprite graphics. (This is great for adding the URL to a photo that you just stole, so you are not a complete bum in your presentations, etc.) It is always running in my taskbar.
   
2. The GIMP: What better's better than a powerful image editing software? Well, a free one! I tried Pixia, and some others, before settling on this open source GNU-ish software. I may go Photoshop within the year (sell out!), but until then GIMP will get me through.
   
3. Audacity: Do you occaisionally need to edit MP3 files? If it is only occaisional, don't waste your money and just used Audacity. Some nice effects as well.
   
4. Spybot Search and Destroy: Okay, if you are not using spyware destroying software, then you should. This is the one I use, and it seems to find a lot of junk each week. I use the embedded Spyware Blaster as well, but will not list it as another number here.
   
5. Finale Notepad: Okay, not sure if you ever need to edit music directly? Fine. But if you do, use a great free version of one of the industry standards from Finale Music. Sure, you can't create 32-voice orchestra compositions (but it can edit them, weird!). However for just piano, or a few instruments like guitar (it does TAB!), this is great. Nothing teaches music theory like music editing software. (Well, nothing except school and stuff...)
   
6. MediaMonkey: I needed to convert 9,000 mp3 files to a smaller size, and change to WMA. (Yes, these are all LEGAL MP3s from my CD collection.) This is not something that you do often, but I was almost willing to pay for this (couldn't fit everything on my laptop's hard drive.) MediaMonkey solved my problem. I hardly use it, but who cares, it was there when I needed it.
   
7. CCleaner: This actually stands for 'Crap Cleaner,' I think. A good, all-purpose software to clean temporary cache's created by Mozilla, Netscape, IE, and of course WinXP...
   
8. SpamBayes: If you have SPAM trouble, this could be your answer. Before my university started filtering, I was dealing with 300 SPAM messages a day. SpamBayes really saved me. Now it finds about 2-3 a day, but I still run it.
   
9. AutoIt: This is a powerful Windows-based scripting tool, but I use it to automate web interfaces. I have to log in to check on my online classes, web-based email (from home), and to check my course listings for the department (I never talk about being chair here, do I?). There is nothing more annoying than five screens and passwords to get to what I need. Now, I have the scripts compiled as executable files (encrypted, for the passwords) and short-cuts to simple key strokes.
   
10. Picasa: How can I not mention a fine piece of Google software like Picasa? I use their blogging interface, their Toolbar, their Desktop Search, and even Hello for uploading images to the blog. (Yes, I know there is a new tool for that.) In case you don't know what Picasa is, it is a image media cataloging software for your computer. To prove they weren't evil, Google purchased this technology, and then made it free! (Note that I do not use the Google Web Accelerator, or any web accelorator for that matter.)

So, there's my list. Sorry about not ordering it. It's just as well since HTML does not reverse order numbered lists. Either you are interested in what I use, or you aren't. For a good source of freeware, check out No Nags. I like it.

--gh

Not capoeira or Hortus

Every once in a while I check out the Google Labs to make sure they haven't gone evil yet.

Evil? No. Perhaps a tad 'tarded? Yeah, maybe. I looked into Google Video...

...and found nothing. To use this service, you have to install the Google video viewer. My evil radar was on and I was not going to install it, until I saw that it was a GNU variant of video software. I trust GNU, open source will never be evil.

After you install the viewer, you can search for things that may have been said on television or something. It is searching through the closed caption text, I guess. So, if you type "monkey", you find out where this word has recent been said, or sung, on television.



So, when I typed this, Animal Planet had a show 30 minutes ago. Also, apparently Elvis Costello is singing about monkies on Austin City Limits on PBS. Yeah, this is really useful. Now if m had designed this software, it would have shown file footage of a chimpanzee smoking a cigarette or something.

So, can you actually watch any of these clips? Well, sure, as long as Google has permission. I thought that I could at least see C-SPAN or something, but even BookTV is off limits. No worries, though, Google has some suggested search words to find video. Some very specificl words, like: Greenpeace, AdWords, badminton, PS3, cattlemen, Hortus, sarong, breakdancing, or capoeira.

Yeah, so, if you had your pick, which one would you look at? You correctly chose "badminton," didn't you. By searching Google Video for badminton, you are graced with the Summer 2004 Olympics double bronze finals between Denmark and Indonesia. (Yes!)

I refuse to look into "capoeira." I actually remembered what this was, since it was made fun of in "Meet the Fokkers." (Save your blockbuster coupon on that one.) Otherwise, I only knew this as the crazy martial arts/slash/dancing technique in Brazil, because the slave-owners outlawed real martial arts in the eighteenth century, or something. (Thanks to a CNN video from 1994 for teaching me about that.)

I will admit that I didn't know what a "hortus" is. Don't worry, it's just some dude in a flower garden.

--gh

Is this really another Bob post?

Yeah, I guess it is. This is what Bob would look like if you could buy him on a t-shirt. I had a Rumayla Elmo mug for a little while, but that would be infringing on Elmo's rights. In fact, I can't place any Blue Collar Muppets on a t-shirt and feel good about it.

--gh

Sorry, one more

Okay, I was told that Bob is now an obsession. This might be my last one for a while. I loved going to the planetarium and having the constellations pointed out with the obligatory lines connecting random stars.




This was fun to work on, however. I used real stars for my area for last night. I used a great interface called Your Sky that allowed me to remove all the words, planets, numbers, etc. It took 1/2 a minute to put the background stars on (and make them somewhat transparent).

If you work in a planetarium, feel free to use this. Just flash it up their on the ceiling and give a long speech about Bob watching over our night skies. The last time I went to a planetarium, I knew more than the intern giving the presentation. He couldn't answer two questions, but I helped him. Astronomy is something I know very little about.

Time to get back to music, or raster art.

--gh

Don't get excited, it is a derivation...

Sorry about just a variation on previous theme. However, when Tyler saw the happy Bob picture, he said the background looked like Teletubby-Land. He pleaded with me to add rabbits and tubbies.




The sun is a self portrait.


--gh

Arthur

Aaaaaaaaay, it's the Fonz...


Somehow I don't feel like signing stuff like this. It doesn't feel like art, (if you can call my other stuff art.

I was in the fourth grade when I heard someone say that Fonzi wasn't cool. TV culture had taught me that he was, and I never questioned it. But the kid saying this was Ricky Farley, and that kid was so cool I didn't want to question it.

Other things that I remember about him:

• He was thin, but he told me that he gained weight in the summer because he just sat around watching televsion. Gym. class made him thinner. I thought this was strange since my brother and I had an aversion to too much television in the summer (we probably made up for it in the fall, though).
  
• Ricky Farley was the first kid that I ever heard admitting to smoking marijuana. He joked about hearing his mom come up the stairs and him putting a joint out and waving the smoke around with his arms just before she came in his room. I knew what the stuff smelled like because of the freaks and hippies in the woods behind our house ...oh, and we found a bong once the summer before. I remember thinking that his mother must have been dumb.
  
• Ricky Farley had a parakeet called "John Bird," a play on the "Waltons" character brilliantly played by the genius Richard Thomas. He said it knew about 10-15 things to say. I had parakeets and never got them to talk, they are dumber than parrots. Later, I named my next parakeet John Bird and followed his suggestion to train it with a tape recorder. It never worked, but my sister still makes fun of me about that recording.
  
• Years later, I saw him leave a guitar at the music shop to be fixed. If I remember correctly, the guitar was a semi-hollow body, like maybe a 1972 tele-copy. The knobs were crushed into the body, and the bridge was messed up. As soon as he left the store, the guy behind the counter began swearing to himself about the shape of the guitar. Ricky was only a year older than me, but I remember thinking that guy was still cool because he could destroy a guitar like that and not seem to care.

I never got over feeling that this guy was too cool. Only now I have to re-think much of these early thoughts and re-evaluate them. Today, Ricky is probably working for Anderson Consulting (now called Accenture, I think).

--gh

EXHONERATED, lol

This was a lot better in my mind. The pop-star vectorized nicely (from some photo I found on the web). His fingers look strange, but he really was holding up two fingers in the original photo.




I actually spelled "exonerated" with an extra "h" in it the first time. That's something that that would have been impossible to fix in the cheesy drawing packages I was using before. It's just as well because I noticed that I cropped the left hand side too much.

I wish there was a way to send this to Mr. Jackson. BTW, I was pulling for him the whole time. I think I said somewhere on this blog that he was innocent, and being exploited. I was too lazy to find that, though. I know he is weird, but that only makes him a target. Sort of like Rumsfeld...

I had the hardest time getting his color right. I was using a color palette called "Skins Tones" and they didn't seem to have the right one.

--gh

Welcome to Bob!

This is just my way of saying that I have finally secured a copy of Adobe Illustrator.


Before you jump all over the composition of this work (I know the cloud cuts across his neck line...), I just want you to know that I was just messing around with two pictures, and just threw them together before uploading it.

I drew the background using regular tools (ellipses, beziers, fancy line art for the sun rays). Bob is a vectorized copy of a photo I came across. After I figured out how to do it, this only took about 12 minutes. Illustrator CS2 finds areas that you could paint automatically, even closing any gaps that you made.

So, now I will stretch my creativity with vector art (in addition to arranging/composing music, raster art, and writing). I wish I could write poetry, or good song lyrics. (I would settle for the ability to write an opera libretto.) But my song lyrics sound like Fruit Loops, and my poetry is worse.

I cannot take credit for the description of music sounding like fruit loops... that came from a high school friend, Rexroad, describing the music of Richard Busby. I doubt either of those two really even remember each other.

Getting back to my creativity, I am not trying to say that I am really that good at it. My writing is full of split infinitives, and too many ellipses... Also, my art is derivative and does not have a cohesive style (unless you count PoMo). Okay, I will defend my ability to transcribe and arrange music. Below is a segment of Mozart's Requiem, transcribed for Flute and Guitar. Amy and I played through this, and it seemed more than workable. Of course, where would we ever really play this. (Now booking funerals!) Notice the left-hand fingering on measure 3, that was tricky! (If you want to play it, you will have to drop the low string to D.)




And here is pretty much the same area in an MP3 file:


Mozart was a genius.

If you want to sing along:

  LATIN            
"Lacrimosa dies illa,
 qua resurget ex favilla
 judicandus homo reus"         


ENGLISH
"That tearful day,
when from the ashes shall rise again
sinful man to be judged."

--gh

Ancient Composition

To make up for the last post, here is a little composition that I worked up recently. If you can believe it, I "wrote" this haunting tune and nonsensical lyrics when I was 3 or 4 years old. I remember sitting in the back of the car, or under my bed, singing this song over, and over, and over again. Next to the repeat sign, I think I should write "repeat ad nauseum" because I would sing it for 10-20 minutes sometimes. It drove everyone crazy, I think. Sometimes, someone would prompt me to sing it, and everyone else would protest. Click on the image below to enlarge the song.




I have a .mid file, in case you can't read music:

There are a few strange things about this song. First, it is just so sad; and yet the words are silly. I thought about adding an interesting base line or something, but I left it as a dirge. Also, I wanted it to be as close to how I would have sung it as a kid.

Another thing that is strange is that the first four measures are in the key of Gm (two flats), but the last four measures are actually in five flats (Bb-minor). Instead of getting fancy and doing a key change in the middle of an eight-measure composition, I just handled this as accidentals. This is how I sang it, first half in Gm, second half up a minor third, and then I would repeat - going back down to where I was. That is more haunting than the actual melody, I think. Anything that I write now is not near as complicated like this.

As for the words, your guess is as good as mine. Sure, someone could psychoanalyze this into a young child not in control of his surroundings or something. But honestly, I just came up with the words to match the melody. However, I firmed up the lyrics fairly quickly and did not waiver from them. The only clue that I can give you is that I liked pigs when I was little. And maybe that is just about as deep as the words really are. As for the title, maybe I picked it up from dialog in "I Love Lucy" or something...

--gh

brown smear part dieux

Okay, I have been a bit absent of late. A few days after I complained about Richard Gere's "brown smear" on his shoulder, I had some problems of my own.

Anyhow, after some interesting procedures and tests, it appears that there is nothing really wrong with me ...for the moment. Apparently, the doctor just wants me to wait until I start bleeding again. I think we should look into finding an internist, rather than a family practictioner.

...but, I think I have shared too much already.

Brown Smear

Okay, so I turned down watching the Shall We Dance movie that was rented this weekend. I started to wonder if I liked any Richard Gere movie. I do not like the poo-stain on his shoulder. So, I checked IMDB and realized that I did not like ANY of them. I considered The Jackal, since I seem to like Bruce Willis movies more. ...but, I also realized I did not like Hudson Hawk.

I considered whether I liked Julia Roberts, but noticed that she will be the voice of Charlotte on the upcoming Wilbur movie. I am reading the Spanish language version of that book, so I will withhold judgment.

-gh

Two-Day Bachelor

Okay, the family is in Kansas for most of the weekend, and I am home alone. I had to catch up on work and stuff since I was in Jefferson City for a day and a half this week. I actually made a list, with little check off boxes to monitor my progress. I should be able to get everything done before they return late in the afternoon tomorrow. In fact, I should be so caught up that I can celebrate Memorial Day and not work on anything.

Memorial Day in this town usually starts with the American Legion on the front lawn of the county court house. I can hear the 9-gun salute from my home, but sometimes I go and watch the elderly veterans. I said 9-gun, because I think it is three old guys, shooting three times together. But I am starting to question my memory, maybe it is just two guys... ...now I got to go and see for myself on Monday!

I ended today's tasks with painting the kitchen ceiling. I took a shower and am enjoying the Big Joe Polka Show with some coke+. Big Joe Siedlik is from Omaha, Nebraska and looks like he tapes his polka episodes in a thirty-year time warp. He has this weird shirt with see-through sleeves. You can see his arm-fat jiggle when he talks. He also has a glorious (dare I say "admirable") front-butt. All I can say is if you have never watched RFD television, then you are missing out.

Jim Beam and Coke always reminds me of my mie-mau. The funniest things remind me of her. A colleague of mine (in another department) wears the cutest mie-mau outfits. I could never tell her, of course. Some one had a leather purse and I dug through it to hide a note in it, and it smelled just like her cigarette case. Of course, certain mentholated items remind me of her cigarettes. In fact, I had to change my shaving cream recently because if felt like I was shaving in her ashtray...

...speaking of shaving, I should report that things have been going well in that area. I am still using the African-American razors, and have figured out that Palmolive brushless gives me the best shave. I want to get a fairly close shave, but not so close that any of the hairs are cut below my face. My indicator is to use Aqua Velva afterwards -- and if it burns, then I shaved too close. With Palmolive, and African-American razors, it usually does not burn.

I don't like being alone. Also, how do you spell the abbreviated form of "balcheloring it?" The Internet seems to indicate a lot of people writing in blogs about how they are "baching it." Of course, to me this means to write a few inventions and brag about being a cappelmeister. Others write bach'ing it, bach-ing it, and one poor fool wrote bacheing it. But the real retards are writing "batching it." I have a fairly high tolerance (given my profession) for mispelling. But misnomers, malapropisms, and such obvious gaffes really bug me. (Remember that I decided to stop calling a girl because she jokingly wrote a note misspelling the word "psych" as SIKE. eeeejsh, it hurt typing that.)

--gh

springishness

I watched "Friday the 13th" on american movie classics yesterday. Maybe it was the fact that they edited out the goriest parts, or the commercial interruptions - but I can't see why I was so terrified in 1980 when I watched that for the first time! I had just been given my first digital watch (LCD of course) for my birthday and I kept clicking on the light button to check the time ("aweseom!") hoping the movie would end soon. I told this to my son as we watched and he said something like: "Dad, maybe you were just retarded." Thanks, Tyler.

At work on Thursday, we celebrated the centennial. The PR office did a decent job of putting it together -- they even encouraged people to wear period dress. So, you should have seen me... no, just kidding. I just can't participate fully in stuff like that, it feels like I am lying, or in theater or something. (A discomfort I have with theater is that the whole thing is a form of lying to the audience.)

This has been one awesome kick-in-the-pants spring, garden-wise. It seems like I am getting everything in just before the next rain, etc. I took 25 feet off the south end of the garden and planted grass and fruit trees. Some day, when I sell this house, I think a few more fruit trees would encourage a faster sale, and not such a freakishly large garden. Concentrating on a smaller garden would probably improve the quality of the operation. Weeding and tilling a 70'x100' garden seemed more like a chore sometimes. Pared down to 70'x55', I could keep it respectable longer.

We've had a cool spring, so I refrained from planting corn early, in fact I just did it last week. All the early birds who planted in April are re-planting this month.

Amish Bacon

Terra and I drove out to Wilcox and I finally looked into the Amish grocery store out there. Talk about weird. They had a whole section of used cereal. At least, it seemed used. Most of the boxes were bent, and taped up. Many had dates like "April 5, 2005." It was April 25.

Sure, I'm not so hung up on those dates that I think 20 days is going to harm anyone. But still, it's weird.

There was some Amish Jelly, I thought about buying some. The ingredients were pretty simple:

Ingredients:
grape juice, sugar, pectin.  
May contain Kool-Aid.

Kool-Aid? I picked out some dog treats. Terra doesn't mind. Then I saw the bacon. Bacon doesn't have an expiration date, which is weird. I looked all over for it. It was a decent name brand, Hillshire-something-or-other. Sure, I'll buy some dollar-bacon from the Amish.

What was I thinking? I took it home (Terra was enjoying her cheese-beef dog treats) and opened it up. It was a little slimy, and smelled sweet. Kind of rancid-like.

I threw it in the yard and the neighbor cats pounced on it. It is a real sight to see a smug looking cat gnawing on some raw bacon. I hope they are okay. ...or not.

--gh

Fred Sanford

Sanford and Son is one of my most favorite shows. I have been watching it since I was a kid.

I just realized that I don't think I have ever seen the same episode twice.

Maybe the show is un-repeatable. The content is spontaneously generated from the ether. It is the quintessence.

Sanford and Son is the fifth element...

--gh

Ever-n

I don't find it
distracting, when
a person stammers
and stutters
in my presence.

I keep thinking
that I am a good
person
for listening and
waiting
and having patience.

The stutterer,
on the other hand
has no care about
how I feel about it.

In the future,
like the space future,
everyone will have
southern accents.

--gh

Interpret these dreams

On February 13, I awoke with three distinct vivid dreams. I quickly wrote them down, using the tablet PC, which has got to be the geekiest thing I have done this year. The text is:

"I dreamed a man was given a chance to
live on an island of Paradise. He was given
the opportunity to move whatever he thought
he needed on the island. He then spent
the rest of his life trying to figure out what
he needed on this island and packing it there.
He never got to enjoy the island."

"I also dreamed I had to take a class and
[name withheld] was my substitute, she was mean
to me."

"I also dreamed that that Harry Anderson comedian
took an administrative job at my university. He insisted
on wearing the 'Night Court' robe."



The first dream could be an allegory to my own life. At least that is what every person has stated when I described this dream.

The second dream was about a person in a local scandal, and it frightened me.

The third dream was really irritating. I did not add this detail in my note, but Harry sent the most obnoxious email. You know how some people think it is cute to have a background image behind their words in an email? Outlook helps people make decorative wallpaper, or note paper, or whatever they call it. Well, Harry liked to use images of landscapes and beach scenes that were nearly 1Mb in size. Then he would hide his text all over these images making it nearly impossible to read. I don't think working with that guy would be as much fun as John Larroquette made it appear. (Larroquette is my second favorite actor, behind John Ritter. Sure, he is not helping with that McBride stuff. However, I forgave Ritter for the "Clifford the Big Red Dog" mistake.)

--gh

Forty-Three

In case you haven't looked at the Digital Refrigerator, you may not have seen that I was starting another series to keep my interest. I am still committed to the "Blue Color Muppets," but I also wanted to practice with real people.



The theme of this work is to mix presidents with out-dated television shows. I do not want to make this based on the other characters. In fact, I would like to leave only the presidential figure in the painting. So, the visual clues must be obvious, such as the 1969 Charger shown above. Not that I want to make this based on cars, but that van from the A-Team is AWESOME!

I will need some ideas about tv shows that are not obscure, and have props that immediately clue the viewer on what show is featured. Of course, the president should fit it somewhat. Then the objective is to find a somewhat sketchable president. I am not planning on honoring the other 41 presidents, because Buchanon's face really isn't that distinguishable. (However, Franklin Pierce is the only chief executive that could even be considered "hott.")

Here are some of the programs that seem possible, and its main prop.

• President as Hannibal (with cigar) and the van in the A-Team
  
• CHiPs!
  
• The Jetsens
  
• Abe Lincoln as the Sheriff of Mayberry?
  
• Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in (obvious set!)
  
• All in the family (that chair!)
  
• PeeWee's Playhouse (that chair!)
  
• Battlestar Galactica, or Lost in Space

Well, comment some ideas.
--gh