Flags that suck

I have always had an appreciation for flags. As a kid, we had a map of the world with the flags of each country printed around the edges. Instead of looking at the countries like my brother did (he memorized all of the capitals before he was 12), I spent too much time staring at those flags.

However, I was even more intrigued by the state flags of this great country. It is kind of embarrassing to admit now, but us three kids were involved in a parade marching outfit called the Patriots of Northern Virginia. This was a fife and drum corps, except I never played the fife or the drums. For two or three years I was stuck as a flag carrier, or banner holder. My brother played drums, and my sister played fife, and I carried a flag.

Eventually, I was one of the older kids carrying a flag and I looked like a dork. I have about twenty stories just like that, all ending up with me looking dorkish. My brother was only a year older, so by the second year I should have been allowed to hold a snare drum. Either he protested, or my mother thought I was retarded. I have about forty stories just like that. (I have to blog real soon about my feeble beginnings. I am pretty sure that my parents think I ended up as a professor on accident.)

Even though this fife and drum corps was supposed to look like revolutionary-era patriots, we still carried flags for many of the states. I cannot say whether we carried them all, but I distinctly remember the flag of California, so we were positively outside of the original colonies. And so, having so much time with these flags, I grew attached to their patterns.

Early on I realized that most flags were horrible. Hence the title of this post, and the focus of the next few blogs (and then I might talk about how I was born slightly touched). But first, I present the flag of the great state of Kansas:



Okay, that is not really the flag of Kansas. It violates numbers 1, 4 and 6 of my rules of flaggery, which are:
G-Had's Flag Rules

1. All flags should be simple in design so that a ten-year-old of average talents should be capable of reproducing it.
   
2. A flag should not be too simple, where a pre-schooler could replicate the design.
   
3. A flag should have more than one or two colors.
   
4. Flags should consist more of geometric patterns, rather than artistic creations. The exception to this rule is simple iconic imagery (such as that found on flags of many Muslim countries.
   
5. State and country flags should be rectangular in shape. Square flags are for the battlefield. If a flag is not rectangular, it better have a good kick-hiney reason for doing so.
   
6. Flags should refrain from using too many words. An ideal flag should have nothing written on it at all.
   
7. Flags should have some symbolism and meaning (like the 13 stripes or number of stars on the U.S. flag).
   
8. Flags that consist of uni-color backgrounds with a state seal fixed on the center suck.

So, let's dispense of the worst violators, which is the unicolored flags with the oft-cartoonish state seal affixed:


In case you are counting, that is 27 flags that outright suck. They violate my last rule and can be dismissed immediately. (I am not fooled by the fringe on Minnesota's flag, nor the white silk that is supposed to run across the outer edge of Virginia's flag either.) Oh, you can hover your cursor over them to find the state names, or even click on them to see what dopey pattern is found in the state seal. However, my recommendation is to inform the state legistatures of these fine states to START OVER. That's right, over 1/2 the states need to begin again.

There are a few more states with seals affixed, which I will probably focus on next. Also, a new discussion (debate?) on Staircase Wit is starting on each individual flag (until we get bored). Stop by there and comment as well.

Eventually, you will see that I find value in only 12-15 flags, and I have lived under none of them.

--gh