State of the Union

The State of the Union address is coming up, and I can hardly wait. The last one sparked a full-scale invasion toppling a feckless murderer. However, several key pieces of evidence presented in that address have been proven to be false, misleading, or in the case of African uranium, a fabrication of yet unknown sources. Bill "Everyone makes mistakes" Clinton is convinced that Bush did not know about this untruth, so I guess I should too. (I still suspect that Presidents learn things about Lee Oswald, aliens, and the truth behind "American Idol" and "Joe Millionaire" when they become president, so this explains their somewhat exotic behavior at times.) The year before that was the infamous "Axis of Evil," SOTU address, and I am still waiting on my record deal with that band name.

So, here are my predictions for this year's state of the union address:
1. The CIA, MI-5, and KBG provided independent data that proves that the DISCO started in Iran. Expect an invasion by Spring.
2. Bush, confused by Gore's early backing of Dean, will state the he endorses John Edwards. He will clearly think he got the upper hand on Al.
3. Moving on the momentum he gained from his new alien worker legal status plan, Bush will move to make all Iraqis U.S. citizens, just in time to vote in 2004.
4. Bush will outline the data showing that Canada is attacking us with mad cow disease, Talk Sex with Sue Johanson, and Alex Trebek. He will show that the next attack will be Canadian SARS, unless we act first. Again, expect an attack by Spring.
5. He will admit that one of his daughters, Rush Limbaugh, and Al Gore's son, are ALL being held at the Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

--gh