I don't know your Amazon.com

Okay, so whenever you buy stuff from Amazon.com they keep track of it and recomend things to you. That is a smart gimick, and it might even work -- provided they can piece something together from your previous purchases.

So, they recommended a vid-yah game called Splinter Cell. I selected a link that said "Why was this recommended?" and it told me because I bought a CD from that Windy City band DISTURBED. Uh, okay, but I don't even own a computer. The only vid-yah games I like are tetris, bubble bobble, and Ms. Pacman.

Another selection that I was recomended to purchase was a DVD of the Lord of the Rings. Okay, I did rent that DVD once, but what purchase made them think I would like it. This is the eclectic list of what I have bought through amazon that makes them think I want a DVD of hobbits and stuff.
1. A book about the history of Salt. (Yes, Mark, I finally got it and it is EXCELLENT.)
2. A book on flute care (for my wife)
3. Robert's Rules of Order (needed this for a thing I did)
4. a Star chart. yes, that's right, a chart for observing and identifying stars (30-40 deg N)
5. A Dread Zeppelin CD. Wait, I am starting to see the pattern.
6. A book about life makeovers.... only I swear I did not ever buy such a book.
and finally 7. My favorite, a CD by the pop-exotica TIPSY

--gh

State of the Union

The State of the Union address is coming up, and I can hardly wait. The last one sparked a full-scale invasion toppling a feckless murderer. However, several key pieces of evidence presented in that address have been proven to be false, misleading, or in the case of African uranium, a fabrication of yet unknown sources. Bill "Everyone makes mistakes" Clinton is convinced that Bush did not know about this untruth, so I guess I should too. (I still suspect that Presidents learn things about Lee Oswald, aliens, and the truth behind "American Idol" and "Joe Millionaire" when they become president, so this explains their somewhat exotic behavior at times.) The year before that was the infamous "Axis of Evil," SOTU address, and I am still waiting on my record deal with that band name.

So, here are my predictions for this year's state of the union address:
1. The CIA, MI-5, and KBG provided independent data that proves that the DISCO started in Iran. Expect an invasion by Spring.
2. Bush, confused by Gore's early backing of Dean, will state the he endorses John Edwards. He will clearly think he got the upper hand on Al.
3. Moving on the momentum he gained from his new alien worker legal status plan, Bush will move to make all Iraqis U.S. citizens, just in time to vote in 2004.
4. Bush will outline the data showing that Canada is attacking us with mad cow disease, Talk Sex with Sue Johanson, and Alex Trebek. He will show that the next attack will be Canadian SARS, unless we act first. Again, expect an attack by Spring.
5. He will admit that one of his daughters, Rush Limbaugh, and Al Gore's son, are ALL being held at the Naval Base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

--gh

Silly NASA, and may the DARK force be with you

Oh great, we're going back to the moon again. In about 20-30 years we will learn that Mars is lame. I am surprised that I have not heard anyone say that we need to explore our own oceans more than space. That is the quaint statement that NASA detractors always say, really without thinking. We are already junking up near space (4 million pounds?!!!). I am sure that we will leave junk all over the moon before we ever get to Mars. (Have you ever seen a clean work site, and there is no landfill on the Moon yet...) So I say, "Stay out of the oceans!"

Last year we had to deal with the cosmology community making stuff up about "dark energy." Dark Energy? Come on! Isn't this just a ploy to say that their math and data are not lining up, so now we have to create ether to satisfy their equations. People will argue with me because they don't want to believe that astrophysicists would collude to fabricate quintessence, or the fifth element, just to save face. I don't think they are doing it deliberately, and I am convinced that they are smarter than me. These guys really don't think they are lying, they just know that they are smart, so whatever they say or think MUST be true. Don't believe me? Remember when the science community got excited about the color of the universe last year? Yeah, they said the universe was green, or turquoise. ...now, they say it is beige.... BEIGE!!! B*E*I*G*E*!*!*! (http://www.npr.org/programs/atc/features/2002/jan/aas/020110.aas.html)

So, go back to the moon, go to Mars, tell me that the universe is only appropriately colored between Memorial Day and Labor Day, and let's go on a Dinosaur Expedition...

--gh

Jacko's house...

While watching the news, my kids were surprised to learn that Michael Jackson's southern California estate is practically a petting zoo and mini-theme park with rides. They both said that they would love to visit Michael Jackson's house. The weird thing is, so would I. Does that make me a bad parent?

I have doubts about the charges against Mr. Jackson. I have no doubts about his lawyer, Mark Geragos is a genius! (Scott Peterson will be acquitted before May.)

--gh